“Do you, like, curl your hair every morning or something?”
Yes. Yes I do. Because I totally have the time/willpower to get up at five-frickin’-a.m. to curl my hair every morning.
If you say this, please go educate yourself on diversity.
“OH MY GOD SO CURLY MUST TOUCH.” *shoves hand in hair and continues to marvel at curliness*
YES IT IS CURLY I KNOW. PLEASE STOP. Simple math equation for you: curly hair + excessive touching = frizz = bad hair. Also, it’s actually kind of rude (and slightly creepy) to just walk up to someone and stroke their hair, especially if you don’t know them that well. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want someone to come up and pet your hair, so even though yes, my hair is curly, and yes, it feels different than straight hair and this can be fascinating, please at least ask first.
“Do you ever straighten your hair? I bet it would look really good straightened.”
Yes, I have straightened my hair before, but I don’t anymore because a) it takes like 5 hours (seriously, I’m not lying, it’s a multi-hour process), b) I’m at a stage where I think my hair looks rad without being straight, and c) I have this irrational fear that straightening my hair will somehow result in me having permanently straight hair/effect my curls badly. And also saying this implies that you don’t like my hair the way it is naturally, which is kind of rude.
“Do you ever get an afro?”
IT WAS ONE TIME, DAMNIT. ONE FRICKIN’ TIME THAT INVOLVED CHLORINE AND LARGE AMOUNTS OF MOUSSE.
But no—all jokes aside, it’s not like you either have African-American coils or pin straight hair. It’s not that black and white. My hair is somewhere between a 3A and a 3B on this chart, which is not that close to coils. So in short: no, not usually.
“SO MANY BOINGS.” *pulls on a ringlet only to see it bounce back up* “OH MY GOD.” *giggles* “THIS IS SO FUN.” *continues to pull ‘boings’ ad nauseam*
Yes, I understand that it’s fun, but seriously, are you five? One is supposed to grow out of the ooh-pretty phase. Also, as with #2, it’s kind of rude.
“Oh, I totally get you. Curly hair is just so annoying to take care of.” *points to barely wavy hair for extra emphasis*
Girl. Girl. Please stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.
“Your hair is so cool! I wish I had curly hair. My hair is so boring.”
Ha. Yeah, if you’re looking for interesting hair, curly hair certainly fits the bill. I mean, for example you never you never really know if you’re going to wake up looking like you spent the night sticking your fingers into electrical sockets or like an extinct woodland creature. It’s never a dull ride, that’s for sure.
Also, a bonus:
“Your hair is so knotted. Why don’t you brush it out?”
Because I do not hate myself.